The Truth… It Can Eat Away At You, Do You Eat Back???

Hi peeps, I apologize for my absence. I was going strong on the 21 Day Sugar Detox and on the night of Day 11 hit a road bump. I went to a friend’s house for dinner and painting and had a glass of wine. One glass turned in to two and before I knew it a week had passed, I’ve fallen terribly off course and I haven’t been able to post anything. This big, dark,”truth” has been eating away at me, and I’ve been eating back.

It’s not like my meals have fallen apart or I’m eating lucky charms for breakfast. There have been no meals of ravioli and garlic bread, sub sandwiches or any other items you might consider in the “I would if I could genre”. Nope, breakfasts have been eggs and bacon as always, lunch is leftovers from dinner, proteins and veggies, it’s all very “clean”. I’ve even continued creating new recipes for the site as I have contemplated how to handle this indiscretion, the said wine, on Saturday night. And as I have contemplated I have felt down, ashamed, disappointed in myself, and what have I done? I’ve found my way to the treats I stock for the kiddos for special occasions. To the marshmallows I bought for a camp out two weeks ago. Some gluten free pretzels I sometimes pack as a treat for my almost 2 year old. I even bought some licorice. Anything I could quickly and discreetly shove in full in to my mouth has been a consideration. WTF? seriously, what has been going on?

I’ve discussed this failure with people close to me and have received varied responses from “just don’t admit it”, “just blog about the stuff you ate that you can on the detox”, to “why the heck would you do a detox anyway”. I wasn’t ok with the idea of falsely representing my experience and ignoring the fact that I went out and had a few glasses of wine 11 days in to the detox. I didn’t want to simply ignore the fact that I hadn’t been able to stay on board and as a result of this have been sneaking food(from who I don’t know, I’m the only one who cares about any of this). So I started to focus on the “why” question.

The “why” question is something that is pretty applicable to any and every situation. As a mother of two young children I sometimes get tired of it and yet I can never bring myself to answer “because, that’s just the way it is.” I think it is always helpful to examine the “why” of things, situations, experiences…

So here I am, questioning why I couldn’t keep on track with the detox? Why I chose to drink the wine? Why once that happened instead of simply resuming the detox I went horribly off course? Why instead of not getting back on the detox did I not simply return to my regular paleo diet but did I start stuffing marshmallows in my face when no one is looking followed by pretzels to balance the soft and sweet out with a little salty crunchy. Why was I so perplexed about this occurrence and why was it having this effect? and yet, even now, when I feel horrible with an upset stomach and a runny nose have I gone back for more?

After much contemplation and a little googling I found this article which really hit home for me. It examines the psychology of comfort food and how it is different for everybody. In this article many things stand out but one statement regarding eating the “comfort food” so you can feel safe, calm, and cared for really hit home.(The author also talks about eating marshmallows so I felt an immediate connection…)

If you haven’t figured out yet I am a very black/white personality. Good/bad, hot/cold, Success/failure. I think that I put this world view of mine on my experience of the sugar detox. I had a single glass of wine and instead of being rational and dismissing it as exactly what it was, 6 oz of rioja, I blew it up in to an enormous deal. I felt like a huge failure. I kept the truth of what I had done to myself and for 5 days it has eaten away at me. And as it has eaten away at me, I’ve eaten back. And with each sip of red wine or crunch of a glutino pretzel or squish of a marshmallow I’ve looked to feel safe, calm and cared for. It seems the only way for any of these feelings to occur is to come here and blog about it.

True confessions: Over the past 5 days I drank wine. I ate pretzels. I ate marshmallows. Last night I even had a piece of carrot cake. I have felt horrible with a gut ache and sinus congestion and I’ve continued to do this in the evenings anyway. The stomachache and runny nose are nothing compared to the guilt that keeps coming back to me.

Stating the above allows me to face what I believe is the true reality of the situation:
A glass of wine is not the end of the world. Marshmallows are delicious and gluten free and maybe, just maybe an appropriate sugary treat on rare occasion. At the end of the day nobody cares about any of this.

Phew, that feels good. The truth is out there, I’m glad to have released it and now I can get back to posting what you really want to see, paleo recipes.

On Monday September 17 I am starting the Lurong Living Paleo Challenge. Why am I doing it? Because I still want to dial in my nutrition a bit(sugar is a biggie for me). My CrossFit Box is doing it. We’ve been taking the supplement for at least 6 months now and have felt good results. I think it is a nice opportunity to build the community and surround myself by people going through the same experience. They have a system built in that if you have something off plan it’s not a “failure”, it’s just a deduction of points for that week. and most importantly… I can still have a glass of wine each night.

Do you eat in times of stress? What brings you comfort?